Spoiled

I need to document this moment so I don't forget. I have no pictures, but I was completely spoiled this weekend. I was invited on a weekend away with 3 other women and my dear husband joyfully agreed to be solo dad for two nights and two days. No guilt. No complaints. Just a gracious, "Yes! You need this time." I enjoyed quality time talking, resting, reading and more. The weather was gorgeous for running, walking and sitting on the dock soaking up the sun while I studied God's word. And to top it all off?? I came home to a spotless kitchen and clean house! Did my husband spoil me or what? I am so thankful. Let me not forget this blessing...

Die to Self!

Dying to self... It is the craziest thing by the world's standards, but I'm so encouraged and challenged by it this morning after reading an article on motherhood from HERE by Rachel Jankovic. If I think back to my previous post about our challenges in school and the things that annoy me; if I think back to my frustrations and my idol of "the perfect school day", aren't they ALL opportunities for me to die to myself and cling to the cross? What comes after the dying???... NEW LIFE!!

Here are my favorite parts below. I can't resist cutting and pasting. If you are a mom, homeschooling or not, this is for you! May it encourage you as it has encouraged me.

*************************************************************************************************************************
But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

Just what I needed

At the end of a long week of battling the flu, I'm tired but oh so ENCOURAGED! There are no nannies around here and the kids don't get on the big yellow bus. Haven't found a substitute teacher yet either. ;) SO, it was just me and the kiddos moving forward trying to rest and trying to not get behind in our studies or lose our routine. The fever and aches started Sunday afternoon and just kept on coming. Today (Friday) is the first day I'm fever free and praying I'll be at 100% tomorrow... pretty please. :)

Here is how God blessed me in the midst of it all. (By the way, fevers are the pits! I haven't had one of those in years and years. Gives me a whole lot more compassion now.)

Monday: We made it through a normal regular school day. (nothing is normal around here!) We were scheduled to host a wonderful couple, Hal and Melanie Young, that evening as they spoke at a local homeschool meeting on "Raising Real Men." In light of my fever, I was blessed that my husband took charge and generously made alternate arrangements for them. Very disappointed to miss meeting them and learning from them, but so thankful that Darin made the decision and made the plans. (And I know they were probably glad to not get my germs!) If you have boys, I highly recommend their book. I just finished it last night. Great stuff!

Tuesday: Our school on Tuesday focused on politics with a trip to the polls with a fever going strong. Nothing would keep me away from voting. ;) The boys were so wonderful as we waited for 45 minutes. Truly a gift! Then that afternoon, a dear friend brought the two older boys to art class while I rested at home with Aaron. Two and a half hours with only one boy was heavenly.

Wednesday: Thinking I was over the hump we attended Community Bible Study, only to return home and realize my fever was back and going strong. So sorry CBS friends! I had no idea! And if you are reading this blog, Wednesday also brought SO many things in which to boast in the Lord I couldn't possibly get discouraged by how terrible I felt. I scrapped math/grammar and we did science experiments instead. The boys were attentive and excited!

How many books will 4 eggs hold! 15!!

Thursday: After sleeping 11 hours, I was determined to move along with school. My fever just wouldn't let me feel normal, so I parked myself on the couch in my jammies and robe and the boys came to me when it was their turn to "work with mom." Darin worked from home so he could reinforce and supervise what was going on in the school room. This was a gift. Then my mom surprised me with dinner and company for a couple hours in the afternoon. Another unexpected blessing!

Friday: Finally my fever is gone and I'm feeling a little bit better. The weekend starts tomorrow and I can't wait to get back to my running routine... might need to wait until Monday, if I'm being wise. So glad I didn't sign up to run in the half-marathon again this year which is on Saturday!

"This is the day that the Lord has made; 

let us rejoice and be glad in it."Psalm 118:24

The Great Weaver

How cool is it that God is giving me glimpses into how He is weaving His tapestry? Seriously, I'm exploding with excitement at how He is at work. Can I share it with you? This is just too good to keep to myself. :)

First of all, we were led into hosting because we were drawn by two teenage sisters, one of whom was getting ready to age out of the orphanage. Because of their faces and their story, we were led to consider hosting. God orchestrated all the details and after speaking with the director of the hosting program she felt our family was better suited to 9 year old Irina. We weren't sure of God's plan, but we agreed. In the meantime, the two sisters already had their trip planned but still no hosting family. This was put on the back burners in my brain, but not forgotten.

As we have stepped out in obedience to the Lord, He has blessed us exponentially. It has opened up amazing spiritual conversations. Many I would have never expected and those conversations have left me worshipping Him.

People have given generously for Irina (tubs of clothes, care packages, undies and socks, a promise to knit her a winter hat, special sewing projects, a girly bedspread on loan for her bedroom while she is here, a stuffed animal, etc, etc.) The joy I see as these friends and family share these gifts are beyond words. It blesses me to see them excited to participate in the Lord's work. How cool that I get to watch?

Prior to hosting, we felt led to give financially to another family hosting. Once they learned of our plans to host Irina, they graciously offered to return our check to us. We felt strongly that they should keep the check we had written. We were certain that God would provide everything we needed financially to host Irina. Three days ago, someone unexpectedly gave us a check towards Irina's travel expenses. Wouldn't you know, it was the SAME amount as the check we wrote prior to hosting??? They had no idea about the check we had already written. Can you not see God at work here?

Friends and family have boldly shared Irina's story and have advocated for her. As a result, there has been interest from a couple families in getting to know her and possibly consider adopting her. God, You are good!

My sister-in-law has used her homeschool message boards in a neighboring town to spread the word about Irina and to gather bilingual resources. She connected me with a family (that she didn't know) who responded to her message board posts. They had interest in learning about Irina, about hosting and about adoption. Now, here is the kicker... this family was so curious about hosting that they contacted the hosting program, Journeys of Joy. They are now signed up to host the two teenage sisters that I mentioned in the beginning of this post. Do you see this tapestry He is weaving?

I've been obsessed about all things Ukraine. I've been searching online, checking out dozens of books from the library, and beginning to try to attempt to learn Russian. (I love languages!) As I've searched online, I stumbled across a blog of a dear young women who works with orphanages in Northern Ukraine. I emailed her and she quickly connected me to a warehouse in the states where I could buy a "Jesus Storybook Bible" in Russian. Guess what arrived today?

The boys are so excited to be able to sit side by side and look at this Bible together, theirs in English and hers in Russian. Let's just hope they can keep it a secret until we give it to her as a Christmas gift. :) That might not be so hard since she can't speak English. yikes!

Stay tuned for more testimonies... Irina arrives in five weeks and four days!!!! We're so excited.

Soothing Words

It has been a tough week as a mom and teacher. I'm not gonna lie. I'm tempted to wallow in the mistakes, failures and difficulties. That's just how I'm wired and have to fight against it! I could blame it on many different things and make all sorts of excuses. However, these words from my devotional remind me that I must look forward and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I'm SO encouraged by the Spirit leading me to these truths. I hope it encourages you too.

From Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling" devotional written as if Jesus was 

speaking to YOU and ME. (Excerpts from two different days.)

"Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart's desire is  to be aware of My presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with Me through your life." Sarah Young

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." 

Hebrews 4:14-16

"Grow strong in the Light of My Presence.  Your weakness does not repel Me. On the contrary, it attracts My Power, which is always available to flow into a yielded heart. Do not condemn yourself for your constant need of help. Instead come to Me with your gaping neediness; let the Light of My Love fill you. A yielded heart does not whine or rebel when the going gets rough. It musters the courage to thank Me even during hard times. Yielding yourself to My will is ultimately an act of trust." 

Sarah Young

"Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:19-20

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15

After a rough week and feeling stuck in the trap of ungratefulness and whining, how perfect that God points me back to this verse from Isaiah that I've been meditating on in 2012!!! This time, what sticks out to me is "quietness." Being a verbal processor, I am NOT quiet. I grumble and complain when things don't go the way I want. Oh how I know God would be blessed if I would submit to Him in the hard times and demonstrate my trust with a quietness that is so unlike me. Hoping and praying He teaches me how to do this. His word is so refreshing to my soul. 

Waiting

Do you ever pray and pray for something and feel tempted to be impatient with the Lord's timing? Well, I have a few things that I've been praying for for a while and it is hard to wait and know what God's plan is. I go through cycles of trusting and doubting. At times, I feel stuck and it feels hard to go on. All I can do is go back to the scriptures and trust what He tells me in His word. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4: 4-7

This song by John Waller really speaks to me. While I am waiting for Him to answer my prayer or change my heart, I want to be hopeful. I want to serve Him. I want to worship. It's not always easy, but it gives Him glory! Amen. 


While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/john_waller/while_im_waiting.html ]
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

Four Weeks, Distractions and Perseverance

Phew! We just finished our fourth week of school today and I can feel the affects of our busy schedule, late nights and early mornings. After yawning for the millionth time today, 

Aaron suggested that I bring the boys to Grammy and Poppy's for a few days so 

I can come home and sleep. ha! 

Great idea Aaron! :) Maybe another time. 

We are definitely off to a good start. We have a good routine, the boys know what is expected of them and for the most part are doing well. But this week was definitely the hardest week so far. I knew it was coming. I was expecting it, but I still do not welcome the resistance and the dragging of feet. 

[sometimes we need headphones to block out all the noise!]

As I look back on our first 4 weeks of school, my favorite part of our day is our prayer walk and quiet time before we actually start the school work. It's been a great addition to our day and deserves a post of its own. :)

[Luke reading his map and looking for the treasure I hid in the yard.]

I love the new math curriculum we are using this year. Luke and Ethan are doing a great job with it 

and it has been a great fit. They are learning a lot! We're spending a lot of time on math, but I think 

it's really worth it. There is a large portion of Luke's math work that is intended to be done independently. Each night I set it out in his room with a note and he completes it in the wee hours 

of the morning when everyone else is still sleeping and I'm out running. 

(He's my early bird. Always has been. 6:15 is sleeping in for him!)

[sometimes it is more fun to do school wrapped up in crazy blankets!]

Ethan's favorite time of the day is doing his math speed drill. In his math workbook, the speed drill is indicated by a horse galloping. He loves this! Who would have thought a little image would excite him to do his speed drill? He always finishes the problems before the timer even beeps. Hooray!

I've already mentioned in a previous post about how surprised I am by Aaron and his interest in learning. Seriously, just this summer I could not get him to even have any interest in his letters. 

Now, he is eager, excited and will randomly write his letters on paper - or his desk! ;{ - to show Daddy when he gets home. 

As I look back, we've had really great weeks. But, as I said in the beginning of this post, I'm tired. As the weeks have gone on, my fatigue is building and honestly I'm wondering if that's what has caused more of the problems this week? Maybe the "honeymoon" with school is over? The big boys have been so distracted by the fun things I've prepared in Aaron's workboxes and it makes me mad. It shouldn't make me mad, but it does. :( As Aaron works on his exciting letter activity, they crowd around him watching --- which is definitely not the point! When Aaron is happily working, I need them engaged with their work. And you see... as I'm tired, I tend to be more impatient and then use more harsh words then necessary and that never works, right? "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up trouble." Proverbs 15:1

[so excited about his tiny frog discovery on our nature walk!]

So today, as we were working and I felt myself slipping back into old patterns of becoming easily angered and less self-controlled with my tone and body language, I felt sad. And I prayed, Lord please help me to turn it around. Please help me to be joyful and enjoy these moments instead of making big deals about things that are not big deals. Lord, give me patience and help me to love and teach these boys well. 

Then it was time to read from our book Hero Tales by Dave & Neta Jackson. 

We're reading about Harriet Tubman and discussing character traits that she demonstrates. 

And wouldn't you know it, we're discussing how she PERSEVERES! I know that my struggles 

are nothing like hers. I am certainly not risking my life to help slaves escape on the Underground Railroad. But, the question today as we discussed Harriet was, "What did Harriet do 

when she felt too tired to go on?" And I burst into tears!!!! 

By now, my crazy boys are used to their emotional Momma and they all gathered around me 

hugging me. Ethan ran to get the tissues! I explained to them why I was crying. That I felt 

so encouraged by God to persevere in this job of homeschooling them and that I can pray to 

Him when I am too tired to go on, just like Harriet Tubman did. I'm so thankful for a 

God who knows when we need encouragement. With His strength I can persevere!! 

I'm ready for week 5... or at least I will be by Monday. :) 

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

It's official... I mailed my notice of intent to home school Luke and Ethan on Wednesday. Deep breath! Much prayer went into this decision and as I prayed, there were very clear answers to move forward with home schooling this year. And yet, I am still nervous! I am certain that since God is calling me (us) to home school, He will give me (us) the strength to do so. Oh Lord, give me the faith to believe that You will be with me, carrying my burdens and holding me up. Help me to trust in You and cast all my worries on You. 


It's tempting to pray for an easy year. Who doesn't want that? I'd love all our learning to be smooth sailing and for them to delight in every little thing I prepare for them because they're such geniuses. Wouldn't it be nice if I could blog about our perfect school days and my expert teaching! ha! Realistically though, considering our sin nature that's not likely. And if it did happen, I think I'd be a wee bit tempted to think it was because of how great I am. I might even be tempted to begin relying on my own strength and not God's.

This past year was hard. There was resistance to school work. There was shouting (from the boys and from me). There were angry words. There was repentance. There was forgiveness and there was much relying on God. There was a very clear sense of our need for Him. So, as much as I'd love things to be easy, isn't it better that it wasn't and I was at a place of relying more fully on Him? I cherish that affirmation from the spirit as I "accidentally" read scripture that was just what I needed. He made it so clear that He was with me and He will be again. (And I must add that we had MANY lovely school days mixed in with those hard ones - those were a gift from God!)

In four short weeks, we'll begin our 2012-2013 school year. I have a lot of work to do to get ready and somehow I don't even feel like I've rested all that much this summer. Somehow, I'll be ready. Ready for more multiplication, exploring countries and cultures, cursive, spelling, reading, grammar, phonics, science and art. And most importantly, ready to continue pointing these precious boys to the cross and their need for Jesus. (And praying that He will fill me with joy as I follow Him!)

Deep

Out of the blue, this hymn is running through my head. 

We didn't sing it at church recently, so I'm not sure why I thought of it.

I think it's a little gift from the Spirit. 

Such rich words!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!

Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!

Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love

Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!

How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!

How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;

How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!

’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;

And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

I AM

I have been called many names over the years, from childhood to adulthood. Some good and welcomed, many names have been crushing and crippling. It's so tempting to get stuck believing those negative things and then forget the TRUTH of how my Creator sees me. I have been created in His image. (Gen. 1:27) Confidence in who I am in Christ can change how I live! I'm needing to preach the truth to myself today. Maybe you need to hear it too?

I AM
Wonderfully Made:
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Loved:
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Chosen:
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,
a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him
who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9

Beautiful:
"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

Gifted:
"But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it." Ephesians 4:7

Valued:
"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid;
you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7

Ironic

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:15-25

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, becuase through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2



Okay, so I said that I want to live and breathe God's word and I have found a passage that clearly captures a couple hours of my morning. While this is an ongoing struggle for me as a christian, it was particularly vivid this morning. I experienced such a tangible struggle to listen to the spirit or listen to the flesh as I interacted with the people I love the most. And what did I do??? Exactly what I didn't want to do! I listened to my flesh. yuck! You know that expression, "What's down in the well, comes up in the bucket" ?  Well, it is really obvious (to me and my family) that my well needs a thorough cleaning.

As I stepped back from the situation the scripture above popped into my head. Oh how I'm thankful for the reminder in Romans 8:1-2. I am free!!! He has set me free. I am forgiven. I am no longer a slave to my sin. Lord, help me to live this.  His mercies are new every morning and I am certain it is morning somewhere right now. Amen!

Whisper in my ear...

God has been whispering to me a lot lately. Do you believe me? Do you really trust me? What are you afraid of? Are you living my Word? Precious sinner, I love you so much that I sent my Son to die for you. You are cherished and loved. Go and love others.  As I study His word and read scripture, I'm challenged by what it really means to be a follower of Jesus. Am I quick to repent? Am I quick to put others needs before my own comfort? Not in a "do-good" attempt, but in a "I love you so much Jesus, that I want to follow you" way?

I'm learning a lot about how much I'm a sinner. Yet, God is bringing me from a place of condemnation to a place of joy and hope. He wants to change me and I'm beginning to slowly trust that He can change me. I haven't seen evidence yet, but I'm praying that as I slow down enough to listen to Him it will begin to happen.

I recently read the book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis and I have to say it knocked my socks off! If you've never heard about it, it is the story of a nineteen year old girl who felt called to move to Uganda to care for the fatherless. Out of obedience to the Lord, she left behind a life of great comfort and settled in an area that is full of poverty, sickness and children who are all alone. She started a ministry called Amazima and adopted 14 children along the way! Oh my! (If you want to learn more, read her book found at the link above.)

The story about Katie's life in Uganda is clearly written from a place of humility and obedience to Jesus. It is a story of selfless love and sacrifice and gives glory to God alone. My first reaction was, "Okay Lord, how can I turn away? How can I ignore that there are children who are hurting and in need of Your love? You have blessed me with so much Lord, what do you want me to do?" And I  still feel that way with lots of unnecessary fear mixed in.

However, what I was also really challenged by was to take God's word more seriously. To study it. To live it and breathe it. It says in James 1:22, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." Even if God is only calling me right now to love my family and love my neighbors, He can help me to do it faithfully and in a way that gives Him glory.  And then quickly repent when I fail, which I will!

I have to share this passage from the book:

In our fear, even many of us who claimed to believe in Christ were failing to do what He said for the least of His people. 

Fear. It's part of human nature, but it's not something we got from God. Second Timothy 1:7 says: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." When I imagine God creating each one of us and planting a purpose deep in our hearts, I never imagine that purpose being mediocrity. While the Bible doesn't tell every person on earth specifically what his or her life's calling will be, it does include a lot of general direction. 

     "You are to find me in the least of these." Yes.

     "You are to leave your earthly possessions and come follow me." Yes.

     "You are to love and serve the Lord God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." Yes.

     "You are to go and make disciples of all nations." Yes.

     "You are to show mercy." Yes.

     "You are to live a live of mediocrity and abundance, holding on tight to your comfortable lifestyle, lest you lose it." No. 

I certainly don't believe everyone should sell all of their belongings and pack a suitcase and move to Africa. I don't think people all over the planet should drop everything to go somewhere far from everything familiar and be missionaries. In fact, I believe anyone can be a missionary right where they are. 

Every day, we have a choice. We can stay nestled in our safe comfortable places, as I did when the rat was in my room. We can let fear of something that really is small compared to the greatness of God cripple us. Or we can take a risk, do something to help someone else, make a person smile, change someone's world. Life to the fullest exists. It's available. All we have to do is decide to get up and embrace it. ~ Katie Davis

"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

Good Words

I struggle with expectations and desires. My expectations are either too high and I'm disappointed or I try to squelch them and I'm bitter. Definitely not a place I want to live as a child of God! It mostly rears its head on birthdays, Mother's Day, vacations or other special occasions. I've been mulling this around for a while. How do you get to the place of relying fully on God to fill you up rather then seeking out affirmation from others?

Reading these good words on the Practical Theology for Women blog today really encouraged me. Here are some of my favorite parts cut and pasted below.

I've thought lately how my husband's love is like a fine glass of wine. It's an enjoyable blessing when I am fully sated after a meal of steak. But if I'm starving, wine can't provide the sustenance I need. Mother's Day this year didn't meet my deepest need for affirmation, but I was able to receive from my family what they imperfectly gave me. That is a sweet gift of God's grace. He supernaturally meets me in my deepest longings, and then, and only then, can I fully enjoy the secondary blessings from my family.

That's the essence right there - to be able to receive from our family and friends what they imperfectly give us knowing it won't meet our deepest needs for affirmation, but we know the One who will.   

Psalm 73
1 Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. 2 But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,  my steps had nearly slipped. 

... 21 When my soul was embittered,  when I was pricked in heart, 22 I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. 23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;     you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel,  and afterward you will receive me to glory. 

25  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26  My flesh and my heart may fail,  but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ... 

28 But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

How can I forget?

Do you ever forget how God has been faithful to you in the past? I'm not sure why or how I can forget this, but I do.

The summer after my freshmen year of college I worked as a camp counselor at Camp Willow Run. It was an amazing experience! While there, I had a bad fall water skiing. Turns out I cracked three vertebrae in my lower back (L1, L2 and L3) After various x-rays and orthopedic surgeon visits, I was told that it was likely there was weakness already there and the water skiing fall caused the cracks. I was bedridden for several weeks and in excruciating pain. When I returned to Virginia Tech for my sophomore year, I scheduled less classes so I could keep up with all the physical therapy I would need to do to strengthen my back. It was a trying time. I was cautioned not to exercise because of the potential risks of damaging my back further. Aside from walking to classes, I was pretty sedentary. I gained weight and was not happy about that at all. Occasionally I swam laps (which was considered safe), but was pretty insecure about being in a swim suit.

But GOD WAS FAITHFUL and HE is still faithful today. He brought me through that time and as far as I know, my back is fine. I can't even remember all the details, but I think after not being in pain for a several years I chose to be more active again. I started biking my senior year and then eventually running. I haven't had any other back issues. Praise be to God!

I can't imagine how different life would be if I couldn't be active with my three VERY active boys. Today while running as fast as I could to keep up with three biking boys, I was struck by how much I love this part of boys. What a gift that I am able to run and bike and keep up with my busy guys. My heart was full of joy as we laughed and dripped with sweat together. Praise the Lord for these moments. How can I doubt His faithfulness and provision?

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:24

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more then all we ask or imagine, according to his power that at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Good Morning!

I listened to this song three times this morning on my run. It has pumped me up and  I'm ready 

to start today and the last 7 days of school. Praise the Lord His mercies are new in the morning. 

Art Show

Luke and Ethan have participated in a home school art class this year. Today was our final class and a celebration of the hard work of all the students. Their teacher, Mrs. Prior, put together a fabulous presentation ceremony.

Mrs. Prior set up a gallery of each students best work in the classroom. 

During the awards presentation, she called up each student individually and presented them with a trophy for an individual strength throughout the year in art class. I was really impressed with Mrs. Prior's passion, awareness and understanding of each student.  

Listening and watching Ethan receive his award was more then my little tear ducts could bear! 

Oh my!

(He was also proudly wearing the ribbon he earned at CBS for reciting his Bible verses. 

He's worn it just about every day since receiving it last Wednesday.) 

Mrs. Prior gave Luke a chance to explain the art work he received an award for. I was so surprised by his public speaking! What a wonderful opportunity for him and for me. This was pretty shocking for my shy guy. Again, I had to bite my lip to keep myself from blubbering. 

As a homeschooling mom, I don't have many opportunities to hear positive feedback on the boys strengths. I'm usually their only evaluator. To sit and listen to this feedback was truly a gift from God. What a wonderful experience! I'm thankful for Mrs. Prior and so proud of ALL the students. 

Sowing Seeds

In April, we planted a garden. I shared with you how we prepared the soil and carefully planted our seeds. The next step was to water the seeds and let the soil soak up the sunlight, all while we waited and waited to see sprouts. Every day the boys and I ran outside to check on our seeds, hoping to get a glimpse of some green poking through the earth. Hopeful that today was the day we'd get a glimpse. It was hard to be patient and we were curious what was happening beneath the soil.

Within a couple weeks, many of the seedlings had sprouted. Oh boy, were we excited! Each day we continued to take care of them, checking for weeds and adequate water. It was a slow process watching our little bright green sprouts. Now we wait for them to mature and produce a harvest. More waiting!

I was blessed on Saturday to attend our church's women's retreat at a local botanical garden. The theme was "Sowing Seeds" and it was so timely for me to learn about how the kingdom of God is like a seed. Just like the seeds we planted in the ground, the kingdom of God is mysterious and living, planted within us and produces abundantly by dying.

Here are some thoughts shared that encouraged me.

• "A seed takes time to grow. Much of the growth is unseen for a long time, yet there is still something happening below the surface." In our lives, the Holy Spirit is planted in our hearts and there is growth taking place even though we may not see it. 
• "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
• "... humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21 
• As God is at work in us, it takes humility to wait for Him to do His work. We must repent as we try to control that growth and believe with hope that He is at work. 
• "Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24
• "Our part is not to run away from the pains but to walk through the briars and thorns and let Christ teach us how to turn each scratch into positive learning about the depths of God's love." Jack Miller
• "Dying opens our eyes to the newness of life."
• We can see God at work as we die to our self. 

The analogy of a seed needing to die in order to produce many seeds really struck me. Recently, my mom received a vase of beautiful sunflowers. Inevitably, these sunflowers had to die since they had been cut from their roots and would only last a short time in water. She saved one of the sunflowers and dried it out. From that one dried out sunflower came many seeds to produce more beautiful sunflowers. In the same way, as we die to our self we can rejoice that He is doing a good work in us and producing abundantly!

One of the speakers shared that as believer in Jesus (and in particular as a mom), we experience dying in three different ways. We need to die to our self due to increased time demands. We need to die to our expectations (as we experience broken dreams and broken relationships - either in our kids or in ourselves). Lastly, we need to die to our self as we wait for change (either in ourselves or in others). The result to all the dying is new life!!! "Just like Jesus' hour of dying is the hour of glory, His death brings US new life!"

As I muddle through the end of our school year, struggling with my reactions to unmet expectations I can be confident of this...it is GOD who makes all things new. He is at work, growing me and my children. He is changing me, even though I'm impatient and often can't see evidence of His work. The roots are below the surface, but they are there. I need to repent and believe. "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15

"Jesus is a lover of our souls and He doesn't stop pursuing us!" Amen!

Fix

The Lord is so quick to encourage my heart! wow! The problem is not "fixed," but I am so encouraged to fix my eyes on Jesus and not my problems. Wanted to share an excerpt from my devotions this morning and some scripture the Lord led me to this morning. I hope it encourages you as it has me.

The only way to keep your balance is to fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes. If you gaze too long at your circumstances, you will become dizzy and confused. Look to Me, refreshing yourself in My Presence, and your steps will be steady and sure. ~ Sarah Young (as if Jesus was speaking to us)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being praise his holy name. 

Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - 

who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 

who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 

who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalm 103:1-5

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 

He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 

he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:8-12

Patience and Anger

Foolishly, I kept busy until the wee hours of the morning setting up for school, planning meals, clipping coupons, searching for on sale items and making my grocery list. When I finally went to sleep, it was interrupted multiple times by a needy boy with a congested nose. The alarm went off at 6am so I could get to the grocery store and back before breakfast. It was a necessary trip due to our very empty pantry and refrigerator. When I returned at 7:30am with many bags full of groceries, the boys were eager to have their bellies filled. Then the race to get the groceries put away, kitchen tidied and the bell rung for the start of our school day at 9am (30 minutes late!). I hadn't even done anything important yet and I was already short tempered and tired. As I look back, it was all a recipe for a very bumpy morning (which it was).

Ironically, the boys and I began a study on love this morning. During breakfast, I read excerpts aloud from a book intended for adults. With a little explanation and simplification, it was so applicable to the environment in our home. (The boys were surprisingly engaged as we brainstormed real scenarios.) Today we talked about love being patient. I've never really thought about the connection between patience and anger, but I'm realizing that it is quite significant. When I am quick to become angry with the boys or my husband, I'm not modeling a patient love. Instead, I'm likely letting my emotions take over in response to my own selfishness and impatience. A patient love instead, "brings an internal calm during an external storm. [Patience] fosters peace and quiet."(Kendrick)

So, as our school day began I couldn't stop thinking about these passages:

"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly." Proverbs 14:29

"A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute." Proverbs 15:18

"See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another." 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Today has been full of opportunities to recognize/acknowledge ways we are not loving with a patient love. Whether it is has been settling a dispute between fighting boys "returning evil or evil," or  even a Momma reacting with angry words to continued disobedience, it has been obvious that we need the Lord's help and I'm so thankful that He won't give up on me/us.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6

So, more sleep is definitely in need. However, even with a full nights sleep I cannot in my own strength love my family the way God intended. I need Him and His strength to resist my sinful nature. And I need to cling to the promises that God is at work, making me new despite my many failings and set-backs. So thankful His mercies are new every morning.

Where am I?

The last two and a half weeks have zipped by remarkably fast. I realized today how much I miss keeping up with this blog, but there really hasn't been a spare moment. We've been busy helping my mom and dad get settled in their new home. We've set up rooms, unpacked boxes, moved boxes, broken down boxes, scrubbed floors, fixed beds, organized closets, set up the kitchen, begun to tackle the overgrown bushes and much more. It has been a sweet time of enjoying family and working hard.

My younger brother and his family have been staying with us for two weeks and we are blessed by our time with them. You can imagine though that there has been chaos at times having 4 adults and 5 kids in a house! But, I'd rather have the chaos then not get to see them at all. Last weekend, we had the entire family together. My older brother and his family came to celebrate my parents new location. It was so good to have all the grandkids together and running around outside. We were quite a spectacle in the front yard of my parents new house -- might have scared the neighbors with all our ruckus! :) The weekend went by too quickly. I have lots of pictures that I'm looking forward to getting uploaded and sorted out.

Mostly I've missed blogging because it helps me to reflect and process. There has been much too little reflection over the past couple weeks and I'm disappointed to say that my time in the Word has been much less then I desire. However, it should be no surprise that God is good and faithful! Each time I've opened the Bible, the words that I need to hear are on the page in front of me. How refreshing is that? Today, my devotional book led me to my theme verse of the year. Isaiah 30:15 "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." My strength comes from spending quiet time alone with Him and trusting in his sufficiency!

Love this quote: "Your weakness is not a deterrent to being filled with My spirit; on the contrary, it provides an opportunity for My power to shine forth more brightly. Don't waste energy wondering if you are adequate for today's journey. My spirit within you is the basis for your confidence." Sarah Young

2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."