Stubborn or Determined?

Have you ever thought about how someone's weakness can also be a strength? I have a boy in my house who is stubborn. I've been trying today to see the positive attributes that come along with being stubborn.

Perhaps a better word for stubborn is determined?

* When this boy decides to learn something new, there is NOTHING that can stop him. It doesn't matter what others think. It doesn't matter if he gets hurt. Nothing matters except for accomplishing a goal he has set for himself. For example, he learned to crawl at 6 months and walk at 9 1/2 months. Nothing would stop him. When he decided to learn to ride his bike without training wheels, he was determined to do it no matter how many times he fell. I could go on and on listing examples... snapping, diving, handstands, etc.  In his adulthood, I am hoping and praying this trait really serves him well! I can't wait to see how God will use this God-given trait of determination.

* Unfortunately, when he decides he doesn't want to do something, that strength can become a weakness. For example, since we started back up with school he has refused to do his school work nearly every day.  Sometimes the stand off only lasts until 2pm and then he kicks into gear. Other days like today, he has been refusing since 8:30 this morning and is just beginning to do his work thinking he will get to go outside in the snow. (Ummm... sorry buddy, it's almost 6:00 and it's too dark.) I can't believe he has held out this long. It's an obedience issue that we are working on with appropriate consequences. (And don't worry, he eventually does his work even if it takes until bedtime.) However, it is so hard to see him struggling internally with whether to "give in" or stand firm in his stubbornness. And ultimately, I believe that this sin of disobedience strains his relationship with God until he obeys and repents. It's not so great on our relationship either!

Oh Lord, I pray that he would grow to love You and be determined to walk closely with you and turn from his sin and disobedience. Help me to be slow to anger and abounding in love!

Patience and Anger

Foolishly, I kept busy until the wee hours of the morning setting up for school, planning meals, clipping coupons, searching for on sale items and making my grocery list. When I finally went to sleep, it was interrupted multiple times by a needy boy with a congested nose. The alarm went off at 6am so I could get to the grocery store and back before breakfast. It was a necessary trip due to our very empty pantry and refrigerator. When I returned at 7:30am with many bags full of groceries, the boys were eager to have their bellies filled. Then the race to get the groceries put away, kitchen tidied and the bell rung for the start of our school day at 9am (30 minutes late!). I hadn't even done anything important yet and I was already short tempered and tired. As I look back, it was all a recipe for a very bumpy morning (which it was).

Ironically, the boys and I began a study on love this morning. During breakfast, I read excerpts aloud from a book intended for adults. With a little explanation and simplification, it was so applicable to the environment in our home. (The boys were surprisingly engaged as we brainstormed real scenarios.) Today we talked about love being patient. I've never really thought about the connection between patience and anger, but I'm realizing that it is quite significant. When I am quick to become angry with the boys or my husband, I'm not modeling a patient love. Instead, I'm likely letting my emotions take over in response to my own selfishness and impatience. A patient love instead, "brings an internal calm during an external storm. [Patience] fosters peace and quiet."(Kendrick)

So, as our school day began I couldn't stop thinking about these passages:

"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly." Proverbs 14:29

"A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute." Proverbs 15:18

"See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another." 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Today has been full of opportunities to recognize/acknowledge ways we are not loving with a patient love. Whether it is has been settling a dispute between fighting boys "returning evil or evil," or  even a Momma reacting with angry words to continued disobedience, it has been obvious that we need the Lord's help and I'm so thankful that He won't give up on me/us.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6

So, more sleep is definitely in need. However, even with a full nights sleep I cannot in my own strength love my family the way God intended. I need Him and His strength to resist my sinful nature. And I need to cling to the promises that God is at work, making me new despite my many failings and set-backs. So thankful His mercies are new every morning.

Window into the Heart

We've had three cold and rainy days and I've been faced with how hard it is to be a mom. I'm seeing their sin and my sin. They've been selfish, unkind, disrespectful and unloving towards each other. Are they mimicking my sin? The volume in the house is too loud. Their energy is about to combust. They have scratches on their cheeks from where they've pinched or scratched each other. Mealtimes have been a circus of silliness and bad manners. If their actions are a window into their hearts then we have a lot of heart surgery to do!!

I've had moments of feeling like I need to be fired from my job as mom, but I'm reminded and encouraged at this moment that somehow this is the job that God has called me to do. I'm so thankful I don't need to do it alone. Actually, it's impossible to do it in my own strength. God is with me and I NEED HIM!!! That much is abundantly clear.

It seems that cyclically I need to be reminded of the importance of my job as mom and the endurance that is required. If I get lazy and attempt to check out mentally, things go downhill fast! It was exactly 4 months ago that I wrote this post about training my children. It's time to remember the part about "training" my little apprentices and not just commenting on their inappropriate behavior. And NO MORE SCREECHING!!!! :)

So, Holy Spirit, I'm ready!! Teach me and lead me. I'm on my knees praying for guidance and wisdom. I've got three little boys that I want to grow up to be men of God who are following You and Your ways. I can't waste another moment.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

"...bring [your children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

It's so tempting to focus on just wanting them to change their outward behavior, but my true desire is to figure out what their behavior is saying about their hearts. So, with that in mind I'm scouring scripture and re-reading the book, "Don't Make Me Count to Three! A Mom's Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline" by Ginger Plowman. This will be the third time I've read this book and I'm praying God will use it and the scriptures I read to guide and direct me. If you have a favorite parenting book that addresses the heart issues that tie into discipline, I'd love to hear about it.

Ohh.. and I'm praying for some sunshine tomorrow so these boys can get some exercise! :)

Needing TRUTH

This home schooling path is not an easy one for me. Frankly, motherhood is not easy for me. Some days I face it with determination and strength from the Lord. Other days, like today, I really struggle to believe the truth about myself and my children. Today, each poor choice that has been made by my children and by me screams, "You are a failure!" My emotions seem to get in the way of any rational thought and I find myself behaving like a toddler. Oh God, why did you make me so sensitive and over emotional!?!?! Why do I have to feel things so deeply? Or maybe it's just pre-menopausal hormones? yikes!

There have been lots of tears today and lots of crying out to God. Grieving another hard school day and wondering how to deal with some ugliness cropping up my in children's hearts. I don't have any answers concerning our future home schooling. I don't have any great parenting wisdom. The only thing I have is a God who loves me despite my sin and I'm needing to cling to that today... even though I'm tempted not to.

So, I share this all on here just in case there is someone else out there who can relate. To give a clearer picture of life over here and to be honest about life not being perfect. However, I'm not blind to the fact that there are others who face greater challenges and trials.  I just want to be sure that I don't fool you in to thinking I've got it all together, because I don't. I certainly don't snap photos of the undesirable moments unless I can make a joke about it later.

And really what I need is to preach the truth to myself:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust in your strength." Isaiah 30:15


"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31 


"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6

I am no longer a slave to my sin. He has set me free! He is renewing me and changing me as I repent for my sin. It is He who gives me strength. My identity is not in being a mother or teacher of my children. My identity is in Christ.  Amen!

** Oh and a last minute realization... my kids are sinners too. Why am I so surprised when they sin?
Lord, give me strength to love and offer forgiveness to the boys. Help me to train them and reach their hearts. Help me to teach them to follow Your ways. Help me to model humility, repentance and forgiveness. Thank you that they rest in your mighty hands! Thank you that You are always with us. 

P.O.O.P.

Got your attention didn't I? If you've been reading my blog, you know that I live in a house with three little boys. Right now, they are completely OBSESSED with the words poop, bottom cheeks and toot. They completely dissolve into hysterics if one of them says any of those words or even some variation of them. I mean on the floor, laughing so hard they can't breathe. We've had lots of discussions, so it's pretty clear we don't encourage such talk. Instead in their cleverness, they have learned to spell many of the words and somehow think it's okay to say it if they spell it. It's not! There is just something wrong with my three year old walking around spelling potty words.  Not exactly the kind of home school education we were going for!

But all jokes aside, we have been discussing a lot lately the importance of being mindful of what we think about and talk about. We have had some good discussions about how important it is to guard our thoughts and words and why we should do that. As always, whenever I try to teach the boys some spiritual truth I find myself convicted and in need of learning the very same thing I am trying to teach them. And no, I don't walk around using potty talk. :) But aren't my negative, ungrateful thoughts and words just as gross?

The Bible says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. " Philippians 4:8   I've been really challenged by this lately. I tend to be a glass half empty kind of girl. I think it's just the way I'm wired, but I don't like it! If I spend time thinking about the negative things and then say them out loud, somehow it gives those thoughts too much power. And really, it shows that I am ungrateful for whatever God has given me right now. Doesn't it? It's not pleasing to God or glorifying to God when I dwell on anything that is less then what He calls me to think about. Yikes... this is a hard.

I am reading a book called "One Thousand Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are" by Ann Voskamp.  I'm just getting started reading it, but so far I'm really encouraged. It has challenged me to develop a spirit  of thanksgiving. To look for God's blessings everywhere, all the time. I'm not so good at this but I'm anxious to learn.

So, my new tactic as of right now with the potty talk situation in our house is to try distraction/replacement.  I'd like to make a thankful journal with the boys (maybe with decoupage!) and develop a habit of adding to it regularly and especially when I sense them heading down the path towards potty talk and hysterics!
Anyone out there have any other suggestions for curbing this problem?

Parenting with Grace

A friend shared this link with me after reading my post on law vs. grace. I found it really encouraging and thought provoking. Maybe you will too?  Click here to read Sally Clarkson's perspective on parenting with grace.

Law vs. Grace Part I

I have always been someone who likes to follow the rules. Just ask my brothers. ;) Maybe I'm even a little legalistic, hypocritical and much like the Pharisees?! In 1997,  I went on a summer mission trip with Cru to Northern Africa. It was a life changing experience as we were missionaries to many who did not know about Jesus. It was humbling and exciting to adjust to the cultural differences. I learned quickly that the best way to tell these people about Jesus was to love them just where they were and live a life that reflected Him. Judging them or giving them a set of rules was NOT going to get me anywhere. It really changed my thinking for a period of time. Unfortunately,  I forgot too quickly and my rule following instincts kicked in again. My heart was too judgmental of those around me not doing things as I thought they should. 

Fast forward to 1999. As a newlywed,  I participated in a Sonship Bible Study with our small group at church. It rocked my world. Many thanks to my small group (Hoppe's, Kirks, Philhowers, and Pitts!!) for putting up with my regular tears!   One thing that stands out from my memory is the quote, "You're much worse then you think you are." I think I had begun convincing myself (even though I knew better) that somehow I had some good in me for which I deserved all the credit. But it's not true. I am an even worse sinner then I realize. Thankfully that's not all! I also learned that God's grace covers ALL my gross sin. That I am loved beyond comprehension and that there is NOTHING I can do to earn this love. It is a free gift. And, (can you believe there is more?!?) that when I believe Jesus is my Savior, the Holy Spirit begins the work of making me more like Him. I will never perfectly follow all His laws this side of heaven. However, my love for my Savior should compel me from my heart to desire to obey the laws outlined in scripture. It is by God's grace that I am able to do anything right. (I'm preaching to myself here! I need to hear this and soak it in.) This is such good news. Shouldn't it change the way I live my life?

Fast forward to 2004, 2006 and 2008. Sweet bambinos #1, 2, and 3 arrive on the scene. In record speed the years zip by and as parents we are faced with the challenges of parenting. Our parenting issues change from dealing with tossed milk cups, to dealing with much deeper heart issues (obedience, disrespect, anger, etc.). Parenting has never seemed easy, but somehow it keeps getting harder. And here is where the rubber meets the road... how do you teach someone who is so wired to be a rule follower (me) to parent in a way that is full of grace? How does a mom take the truths of the second paragraph above (God's unconditional love and GRACE!) and intersect them with the need to train children in the importance of obeying God's laws. AND, how do you teach children to want to obey these laws from their heart -- not just because mom says so or to gain her approval. 

The answer is simply that I don't know. I have been more challenged then ever to really figure this out. I can't figure it out on my own, but I am praying these verses. 

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

"Can't you relate? Isn't parenting a thorn?! My word, it most certainly is! I know I've pleaded with God to come quickly, time and time again, and resolve matters in my own life and in the lives of my children; to remove me from this stretched place. Yet He tells me EVERY time, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weak parenting. Therefore, boast all the more gladly that you haven't figured it out and that you struggle daily to know your right from your left, the law from the Gospel, for it is there the power of God will most grandly rest. And in response to that truth we ask God for contentment through these parenting years, which do indeed include much weakness, insult and hardship. FOR WHEN WE ARE WEAK, WE ARE STRONG! Hallelujah!"

I found the quote above here. It is by Tambra Murphy. I have no idea who she is, but I like it! Stay tuned  for more musings on law vs. grace in parenting. I definitely don't have the answers, but I'm muddling through in weakness praying the Lord would lead me.

Gumnazo Principle

oldest boy at 3 months and 1 year

Let's suppose I own a small company that builds boats. And, let's say I hire some unexperienced workers to be my apprentices. Every day, I show these apprentices one new step in crafting the boat. I teach them only what they are able to learn, before showing them a new step. I show them the design manual I created so that they can see the big picture, but I take it one step at a time. When they make mistakes, I lovingly correct their mistakes and encourage them to try again. It's important that the boat is built well and meets my exact specifications so I invest in my apprentices. I want them to learn how to do their jobs well so that one day they won't need me alongside them. 

middle boy at 4 months and 1 year

I wouldn't just show them how to do it once and walk away and expect them to do it perfectly. I wouldn't expect them to learn it all in one day. I wouldn't yell at them when they made mistakes, or they might become discouraged and disheartened. I would come alongside my apprentices and together we would LEARN. Together I would GUIDE them. Together I would gently CORRECT their mistakes

 and TEACH them the proper way to do things. 

 youngest boy at 3 months and 1 year

You see... God has entrusted me with three little apprentices. Somehow, I've forgotten how important it is that I not only recognize their mistakes and discipline those mistakes, but I ALSO teach them the correct way to do things. I have been reading in Lou Priolo's book "The Heart of Anger" this week and I have been convicted, challenged and encouraged. Let me just say, I'm not sure I have many tears left and I might need to buy more tissues! As a parent, it is my God given job to "bring [my children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) 

"But discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness." (1Tim 4:7) Isn't that what I'm getting at when I train my children? I don't want them to just be nice people. My purpose shouldn't be that they make me look good. Instead, what I should want is for them to develop Christ-like character. In this book I have learned that the word discipline means to exercise or to train. In Greek, the word is gumnazo. Mr. Priolo asserts this Gumnazo Principle: "biblical discipline involves correcting wrong behavior by practicing right behavior, with the right attitude, for the right reason, until the right behavior becomes habitual. "

 7 years, 5 years and 3 years

So today, I've been really aware of treating them like the precious apprentices that they are. Asking for the Holy Spirit's help and guidance. I've been praying and repenting for my impatience with their mistakes and sins. It has been a day of "instant replay's."  They weren't all successful, but some were... I'm still learning too. I have failed my children in so many ways as a result of my own sin and selfishness, but here is the good news. God redeems. He forgives me. He forgives my children as they muddle through and He offers us all so much grace. Thank you Jesus for dying for my sins!